Words Like Locusts Flew From Her Fingers

Buy This Car!

Confessions of a Car Salesman
At one point, during a sales seminar, I was actually taught how to shake hands. The instructor, a veteran car salesman said: “Thumb to thumb. Pump one, two, three, and out.” Another vet told me to combine the handshake with a slight pulling motion. This is the beginning of your control over the customer. This would prepare the “up” [car salesman slang for a potential buyer] to be moved into the dealership where the negotiation would begin. The car lot handshake is sometimes combined with the confident demand, “Follow me!” If you employ this method, you turn and begin walking into the dealership. Do not look back to see if they are following you. Most people feel the obligation to do what they are told and they will follow you, if only to plead, “But I’m only looking!”

What a great article! I’m reminded of Robert Cialdini’s wonderful social psychology book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. If you plan to ever buy another car, you MUST read this great “insider’s view” of the car sales business.

Oh… those duplicitous salesmen!

Theocracy In a Multi-Cultural Society

The online version of The New Republic magazine is featuring a really good article by Damon Linker. He mainly focuses on the influence Richard John Neuhaus has had on the way Americans view the role of religion in public life. It’s a pretty long article, but it’s well worth reading.

The Christianizing of America
Drawing on the work of Paul Tillich, Neuhaus asserted that whether or not it is publicly acknowledged, politics in all times and places is finally an expression of culture, and culture is finally an expression of religion. The fate of democracy in America was thus inseparable from the fate of public religiosity in America.

As you might imagine, I think Richard John Neuhaus was wrong on pretty much every count. First, and most obvious, while religion is certainly an important component of many cultures, there’s a whole lot more to culture than religion. In fact, I’d say that despite the claims of some sociologists, religion really plays a relatively minor role in American culture. Overall, American values aren’t especially tied to religious belief — and I don’t think that’s a problem. (I think they’re based primarily on the idea of private property. It’s wrong for you to steal from me — not because the Bible says it’s wrong, but because you are taking what is MINE and I have a natural right to maintain ownership of things.) Neuhaus seemed to believe that the only valid kind of morality is one that issues forth from religious belief. He seemed to think there is some definite dichotomy between “intellectuals” and “average Americans”. (I consider myself both.) And, perhaps most alarming, Neuhaus didn’t seem to recognize that religion is almost always a divisive agent between cultures — and within multi-cultural societies like we have in the United States. How many people are there who consider themselves religious who don’t also believe their own religion is better than other religions — truer and more in line with the actual desires of The Almighty. Isn’t it for this very reason that the Founders insisted on separation of church and state?

I Need This

Lifesize Cow – Krupps.com, Inc.

And it’s on sale! Only $2033.96!! Plus shipping, of course. That’s only $254 plus $50 for residential delivery and another $50 for “lift gate”. I’m not sure what “lift gate” is, but it’s probably important, so we’d better plan on getting it.

If one of you were to get this for me, I promise I would treasure it — and YOU! — forever and ever. I wouldn’t want the one that’s painted with “full detail”. I like it just fine in the “antique stone finish” that’s shown.

I’d keep it in the dining room, I think.

I wonder if it’s sturdy enough that a person could sit on it?

Anyway… even if you don’t buy me this lifesize cow statue, you should check out the Krupps web site. They’ve got an amazing collection of statues and lawn/garden stuff. And when I say amazing, you can be sure I’m not just being dramatic. They’ve got everything. Including wonderful life-sized religious statues, fountains, arbors, artificial rocks. EVERYTHING.

Don’t Run, Hillary

Loving to Hate Hillary
It’s true, of course, that Hillary is widely considered a presidential candidate and so a certain amount of attention is warranted.

Hillary Clinton would never win a presidential election — not because she’s necessarily a bad person or has bad ideas (though she is a bit too much of a “politician” for my taste), but because she’s a woman and no matter what many of us might like to believe, the United States isn’t ready for a woman as President. As Richard Cohen amply illustrates in this Washington Post article, people in the US still have far to many goofy ideas about sex and gender. In the US people tend to think of women as sex-partners, wives, and mothers first and only later — if at all — as complete human beings. And it’s not just men who see women in this way. It’s other women, too. It’s because of the way our culture defines womanhood — and you only need to watch a little television to see it. More often than not, women are portrayed as helpful assistants or in some other ancillary role. When women are portrayed on television as authority figures, they’re inevitably struggling with defining themsevles as high-powered-professional-who-is-also-a-loving-wife-and-mother-and-is-sexy-too-by-the-way.

You don’t see men portrayed like that.

These kinds of media portrayals feed into our culture’s idea of womanhood as much as they reflect it. People in the United States just aren’t ready yet to see women as completely capable authority figures. It’s dumb, yes. And it’s absolutely counterproductive. But it IS the way it is right now.

Hillary Clinton couldn’t win the Presidency and if she runs, she’ll just split the Democratic vote and weaken the Party.

Don’t run, Hillary. Go for the Vice Presidency instead.

How to Survive World War III

Civil war? What civil war? | Salon.com
That there should be a political controversy over whether there is a civil war in Iraq is a tribute to the Bush administration’s Orwellian attention to political rhetoric. By the most widely accepted social science measure, Iraq is incontestably in a civil war.

Which, of course, is what I’ve been saying for at least a month now. And I’m not even a professor of modern Middle Eastern and South Asian history at the University of Michigan, like Juan Cole (the author of this salon.com editorial) is. So… there you have it.

Okay, so… Assuming this is the beginning of World War III — and if the Bush administration has its way, that’s definitely the direction we’re headed — what’s a peace-loving old hippy to do?

First, I’d suggest significantly reducing your personal dependence on petroleum products. As things start getting REALLY bad in the Middle East, the supply of oil is going to trickle down to pretty much zero. Consider, too, that we’re not just talking about using a bicycle instead of a car. Many of the products we’re accustomed to buying are only available in our local stores because they’re brought by trucks using — of course — gasoline. We’re talking about clothes, household goods, FOOD, and more. Start a big vegetable garden. Use non-hybrid plant species. You can save the seeds and use them to re-plant every year. Grow organic. (Commercial fertilizers and pesticides are produced using… you guessed it! Petroleum products. Besides, organic is healthier.) If you’ve got the land, it wouldn’t hurt to keep some sheep around for wool. You might need it to spin your own yarn and make your own clothes at some point.

While they’re still relatively cheap, this would be a very good time to invest in solar and wind energy for your home. Learn everything you can about how these technologies work — and how to fix them if they break. When the oil dries up, the means for producing these sorts of things will disappear.

There’s lots more to think about, but this should be enough to get you started.

(Okay. I’m not really a crazy survivalist type. I read a lot of apocalypse fiction and, no doubt, that has an effect on how I see things. But, you’ve got to admit, the direction the world’s headed is more than a little disturbing. It never hurts to be prepared.)

Will China Survive the Energy Crisis?

China slaps tax on chopsticks, yachts – Asia-Pacific – MSNBC.com
China said Wednesday it will slap a tax on chopsticks and raise them on goods ranging from yachts to gasoline and car engines in a bid to save trees, protect the environment and conserve energy.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if China turned out to be the one country that survived the coming Peak Oil Crisis?? After all, China has joined the culture of “over-consumption” relatively late in the game. Huge areas in China are probably still well-equipped for growing their own food and such. Imagine it… while the rest of us are reduced to eating bugs we’ve dug up out of the ground with sticks, China could be doing pretty well.

Of course… I’m not going to be eating bugs. Ick.

Optimism? Hardly!

Incredibly Optimistic
“I understand how some Americans have had their confidence shaken,” President Bush said yesterday in Cleveland. “Others look at the violence they see each night on their television screens, and they wonder how I can remain so optimistic about the prospects of success in Iraq. They wonder what I see that they don’t.”

Uh, NO. What people are wondering is how Bush can be so amazingly stupid. Clearly, if he were in actual possession of information that might exonerate him for his role in this whole unfortunate mess, he’d be publicizing it BIG time. That the best he can do is to keep repeating, “It’s going well in Iraq! Really it is! Really!” in the face of undeniable evidence that it is NOT going well at all — well, that’s not what most of us would call “optimism”. If I had to call it anything, I suppose “delusional” might come close. I think Bush’s continued denial of what is obvious to rest of us is worse than just ‘delusional’, though. I think it’s evidence of an unwillingness — perhaps even an inability — to admit that he was WRONG to invade Iraq. He’s set our country on this course, and come hell or high water, he means to see it through. It doesn’t matter that it was a mistake. It doesn’t matter that we’re creating more problems for the Iraqis and for ourselves because of our presence there. NONE of that matters. Bush is all about saving face. His OWN face.

What a fool. What a frightening, dangerous fool that man is.

Do take the time to read Dan Froomkin’s excellent column in the Washington Post. The link is up above.

Bag o’ ZOMBIES!!!

My good friend Heino recently mailed me this swell Bag o’ ZOMBIES!!!

They’re very cool — and there’s got to be 100 of them at least. And the best part is, they’re not just plain old zombies. They’re “Special Edition” ZOMBIES!!! I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that these ZOMBIES!!! were created for the board game ZOMBIES!!! I’ve never played it but it looks like a lot of fun and you should maybe go out and buy it.

I’ve currently got a bunch of my personal zombies set up to shamble across the top frame of my bulletin board. For your viewing enjoyment, though, I temporarily set some up on my desk. I think they’re headed for the printer. (Sorry guys… no brains there!)

Manly Men in a Manly World doing Manly Things… in a Manly Manner…uh…like Men.

Man Overboard
I have a new theory about what’s behind everything that’s wrong with the Bush administration: manliness.

Sometimes I think these journalists and authors must be reading my blog and stealing my ideas! Wasn’t it only a few weeks ago that I was writing about Dick Cheney’s masculinity issues?

Though manliness is “the quality mostly of one sex,” Mansfield allows that women can be manly, too, though the sole example he can seem to come up with, and deploys time and again, is Margaret Thatcher.

Bwahahahaha! Ah…heh, heh… poor Margaret Thatcher! She’s the punchline of far too many jokes.

Anyway… yes, manliness. I like manliness…uh…in men. But it has to be GOOD manliness. You know — decisiveness tempered by wisdom. Confidence tempered by humility. Sexual prowess tempered by…um…humor! Yeah, that’s it.

LA-LA-LA-LA!!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!

Bush Still Upbeat on Outcome In Iraq
The upbeat appraisals by Bush and Cheney came as other voices struck a more ominous note. [Former Iraqi prime minister, Ayad] Allawi contradicted Bush’s progress report, saying the country is edging toward “the point of no return.” …”We are losing a day as an average 50 to 60 people throughout the country, if not more,” Allawi said on BBC’s “Sunday AM” program. “If this is not civil war, then God knows what civil war is.”

I’d say Allawi ought to know.

Cheney also dismissed a statement by Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.), who said the war in Iraq should never have been fought: “I would not look to Ted Kennedy for guidance and leadership on how we ought to manage national security. . . . I think what Senator Kennedy reflects is sort of the pre-9/11 mentality about how we ought to deal with the world and that part of the world.”

Oh… this is great. I’ve got a news flash for you, Dick. Iraq wasn’t responsible for 9/11. None of the 9/11 terrorists was an Iraqi. Most of them were from Saudi Arabia! If you really believe attacking Iraq had anything to do with 9/11, then I have to conclude that my worst fears about you have been confirmed: you are dangerously delusional. Iraq wasn’t responsible for 9/11. Iraq didn’t have weapons of mass destruction. What Iraq DID have is a whole bunch of oil that they weren’t keen on giving to us and a despot in charge. You think people don’t understand why we invaded Iraq? As for your comment about how we ought to deal with “that part of the world” — what the fuck is that all about? I presume it’s a thinly veiled threat against Iran. Swell. Hey, let’s just get it over with and declare the start of World War III, eh? It’s apparently what the Bush administration is aiming for.