More Than You EVER Wanted to Know
Umm, And I’ll Have The Colonoscopy, Please (Part I) | PoopReport.com
If you’re anything like me, colonoscopy ranks on the squirm scale well above leeches and root canals, somewhere up near death by evisceration.
I’m turning 50 this year (yahoo!) so my doctor’s scheduled all the special tests they do on you for that. It’s the medical profession’s extra-special embarrassing and unpleasant way of saying, “Ha ha! You’re getting OLD!” So, besides the bone density scan (in June) — which really should be pretty interesting — I’m also having (tomorrow! did I already say “yahoo!”?) a colonoscopy.
The real fun begins tonight when I take all the big-league laxatives. This morning I’m just… hungry. So, so, hungry. I get no food all day today or tomorrow morning. (The test isn’t until 1:30. Damn!)
Anyway… my whole reason for bringing this up (because, God knows, I don’t plan on giving you all the details of my OWN experience — I do have some sense of personal space) …anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. My whole reason for bringing this up was to direct you to the Poop Report’s article on colonoscopy — which is very VERY funny.
Actually I found this article only because I was doing a Google search on “colonoscopy preparation beer”. Beer’s a clear liquid, right? I’m planning on making beer my drink du jour — it will help me forget how goddamned hungry I am. I was just looking for information online confirming that drinking beer before a colonoscopy won’t cause all sorts of hideous problems.
But never mind all that. Read this article. Funny stuff.
Posted by RebeccaHartong on April 24, 2006 under Uncategorized
6:38 pm — Okay, so I’ve drunk my first dose of “ginger-lemon” flavored Fleet Phospho-soda stuff. It wasn’t so bad. I’d been warned that the stuff tastes truly vile so I was careful to swig it all right down without giving it a chance to spend much time on my tongue. They gave me a couple minty-flavored simethacone tablets to chew after each dose, and that helped. Now the fun begins. Here’s how hungry I am. When I was scooping the cat food out of the cans for the kittster’s dinner, I actually — for only a moment — though, “Mm.. this smells good!” Whoa.
I hope it all went well.
Welcome to the wonderful threshold of old age!! Look at this as the “Rite of Passage”. Having gone through this, I would recommend run the opposite direction if you ever hear “that” word again. Do have to take the “little dynamite” pills at bedtime? Good luck Hon!
Ha! Thanks, Dad!
I didn’t get the pills, I got the two little bottles of stuff you have to drink. Man, oh man…
Suffice it to say, it works.
Unfortunately, they did find a polyp that was too large to remove through the scope so, I’ll be having surgery for that — most likely after we get back from Australia.