Words Like Locusts Flew From Her Fingers

Deep Thoughts

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

You may have noticed a new addition to the sidebar: Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey. Alas, the thoughts only update once a month, but still… If I get tired of it, I will remove it. For the time being, though, I am amused. Here’s another of my favorites:

Most people don’t realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.