Words Like Locusts Flew From Her Fingers

Bomb Dogs

They Sniff at Danger – washingtonpost.com
How a Motley Crew of Dogs Found Their True Calling — Fighting Terrorism

Consider another interpretation. This is an interpretation based on the simple reality that these dogs have no idea whether what they’re doing is “noble” or “patriotic”. The Washington Post has a little video segment of these dogs with the headline, “Man’s Best Friend Joins Fight Against Terror”. Gee — do you think this is something these dogs are choosing to do?

Language like that used in the Post’s article is designed (probably unconsciously) to obscure the fact that these dogs are tools who have a very good chance of being blown to pieces as part of their “fight against terror”.

I understand there’s another side. These are dogs who would very likely have been euthanized if they’d not been enrolled in this program. Now they get a little more life, maybe some affection, and a fun game where they look for strange-smelling materials. Materials they were rewarded for finding during the course of their training. Such fun! They have no idea that in the real world, those strange-smelling things are lethal.

I don’t know whether what’s being done with these dogs is immoral. I only know that it’s not as simple as dogs “joining the fight against terror”.

Being Tall

The Most Surprising Thing I Learned Today – Freakonomics – Opinion – New York Times Blog
It is well documented that tall people tend to hold high-status jobs and earn high wages. There are many possible explanations for this: height is a useful job attribute for some reason; other people mistakenly think tall people are more intelligent than they really are; being tall in high school gives you the confidence to succeed in the work force; etc.

Mmmm.. maybe.

If you’re male.

Or, if you’re female, maybe if you were born less than about 30 years ago.

I’m tall. Well, I was tall. Girls are taller now than they were when I was young, so my height isn’t quite as remarkable now as it was when I was younger. Still, I’m pretty commonly the tallest woman in a room.

It doesn’t bother me anymore, but when I was younger I really hated being tall. (I’m 5 feet 9 1/2 inches tall and have been since I was about 12 or 13 years old.) I was teased a lot and I felt like a freak. I was taller than most of the boys. Although I was quite slim, I still felt too large. I felt unattractive because of that. It was NOT a real confidence-booster.

I guess I’m not surprised that males who are tall in high school grow up with more confidence, but — at least for women of my generation — being a tall female in high school wasn’t so great.

Whatever. The main point Levitt’s making in this article is that, on average, taller people tend to be more intelligent. I haven’t read the study he cites, but one simple explanation occurs to me. People who are taller tend to be people who are better nourished. (I’m not talking about individuals here. I mean a person’s parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and so on.) When you’re better nourished, your brain works better. If your brain works better, you tend to make more money, thus increasing the likelihood that your own offspring will also be well-nourished, with good brains, and tall.

Makes sense, no?

Alberto Gonzales To Finally “Spend More Time With His Family”

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales Resigns – washingtonpost.com
Embattled Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales has resigned from his post, according to an administration official, ending a controversial cabinet tenure that included clashes with Congress over the firing of nine U.S. attorneys and the scope of efforts to spy on U.S. citizens.

I have to admit it. When I read this headline I cackled — yes, cackled — in a loud and extremely unflattering way.

It would be foolish, though, to assume that Gonzales’ leaving represents a change in the way the Bush administration is going to do things. There’s a cancer at the core of our political system and Alberto Gonzales was only one symptom of it.

Despite being a mean, hate-filled bitch, I’m just optimistic enough to believe that — if they really wanted to — our politicians could stop with the money-grabbing and face-saving bullshit and start doing things that are actually good for our country.

Yes… I know I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one.

Well, I’ll take a moment out from my gleeful little jig to say “Good riddance to bad news!” to Alberto Gonzales. Now, how about we close down the prison at Guantanamo and give the people we’ve been holding there fair trials? That would be a real step in the right direction.

Ted The Bear

I don’t know the full story of how Ted wound up living at the new North American Bear Center in Ely, Minnesota but it sounds like Lynn Rogers (the man who runs the bear center) rescued him from an unpleasant situation of some sort. Ted is only now — as a very large adult — learning how to walk in the forest and forage for food.

As many of you already know, Mark and I spent a week with Lynn Rogers two years ago as participants in one of his black bear study courses. It was a wonderful experience and we met several very nice bears. (Check out the pictures in my photo gallery. Just click on “gallery” up above.)

Anyway, check out this great video of Ted the bear in his new home at the North American Bear Center. Very cool.

The Price Of An Unjust War

Pro-war group launches $15 million ad blitz – Mike Allen – Politico.com
A new group, Freedom’s Watch, is launching Wednesday with a $15 million, five-week campaign of TV, radio and Web ads featuring military veterans that is aimed at retaining support in Congress for President Bush’s “surge” policy on Iraq. (…) “There was a large vacuum on the conservative side,” said Bradley A. Blakeman, who is president and chief executive officer of Freedom’s Watch.

Yeah, there’s a large vacuum, alright. And it exists between the ears of the Freedom’s Watch membership. I guess it’s not surprising that the same dumbshits who thought throwing $454 billion dollars at Iraq would solve that problem now think throwing $15 million into pro-war ads will make citizens suddenly change their minds about what a total disaster this war is.

Well, I say great! Let them spend their money on stupid pro-war ads. That’s just $15 million less they can spend on one of their other creepy campaigns.

The opening ad, by Jamestown Associates of New Jersey, shows a military veteran saying: “Congress was right to vote to fight terrorism in Iraq and Afghanistan. I re-enlisted after Sept. 11 because I don’t want my sons to see what I saw. I want them to be free and safe. I know what I lost. I also know that if we pull out now, everything I’ve given and the sacrifices will mean nothing. They attacked us, and they will again. They won’t stop in Iraq. We are winning on the ground and making real progress. It’s no time to quit. It’s no time for politics.”

Amazing!! Truly amazing! They’re actually sticking with the TOTALLY FALSE notion that Iraq had something to do with 9/11. I guess they’re assuming there are still a lot of people who don’t yet realize that Iraq wasn’t involved at all in that attack.

Okay, for those of you who are maybe new here and who haven’t given this subject any thought before, let me review:

• Number of Iraqis who were involved in the 9/11 attack? ZERO.
• Amount of love Sadaam Hussein had for Al Qaeda? ZERO. Hussein wanted nothing to do with Al Qaeda because they were a threat to his power in Iraq.
• Number of “weapons of mass destruction” found in Iraq before and since we invaded that country? ZERO.

Folks, Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. We’re in Iraq for two reasons and neither of them is good. The first reason is oil. The second reason is saving face for George W. Bush (and, to a small extent) his father.

Wow. It’s really surprising they’re still trying to fool people into thinking Iraq has some relationship to 9/11. Hm. Desperation, maybe?

Chuck Colson Slams Lutherans

Charles “Chuck” Colson: OnFaith on washingtonpost.com
The decision by the ELCA to ignore biblical standards of moral behavior is, given the history of modern mainline Christianity, not surprising, but it is deeply distressing.

What Colson’s whining about here is the ELCA membership’s decision to encourage church leadership to “refrain from or demonstrate restraint in disciplining” gay church leaders who are in “committed same-gender” relationships. In other words, the church membership has taken a very small step towards allowing gay clergy in the ELCA Lutheran Church.

Good for the ELCA membership! It’s a pity they didn’t word their resolution a little more forcefully but, hey, they’re Lutherans. They don’t like to come off as being confrontational. (And I know this from personal experience. I grew up as Lutheran in Minnesota. I’m now a Catholic.)

So, anyway, that’s what Chuck “I’m A Better Christian Than You” Colson is all in a twist about.

Yes, he’s an asshole. What can you do? They seem to be everywhere.

Colson’s actual “editorial” on the Washington Post web site is really quite short. The best part, by far, is reading the hundred-plus comments from readers.

Reasons For Hating People – Part 1

The first of an ongoing series of posts highlighting reasons for truly detesting many people in general or some people specifically.

Exclusive Status: It’s in The Bag – washingtonpost.com
The Louis Vuitton Tribute Patchwork is this summer’s ultimate status bag, ringing in at $52,500. And it is arriving in Washington by the end of the season, ordered by a woman whose circumstances and identity the company has ever so politely (again and again) declined to disclose.

Remarkably, a Louis Vuitton spokesperson then goes on to describe this kind of customer as “very sophisticated”. Heh, yeah… about as sophisticated as a pig in pearl earrings. Anyone who’d spend that kind of money on a purse is, by definition, a tasteless fuckwit. They might just as well have wiped their ass with that $52,500 and flushed it down the toilet.

What a truly repellent way to waste money.

Which Literary Character Will Rove Compare Himself To Next?

Rove Talks: If Mistakes Were Made, They Weren’t His – New York Times
“Let’s face it, I mean, I’m a myth,” Mr. Rove told Chris Wallace on “Fox News Sunday” when asked about his critics. “You know, I’m Beowulf, you know, I’m Grendel. I don’t know who I am. But they’re after me.”

I thought he was Moby Dick.

No, no! I’ve got it! He’s Sneezy!

Getting Old

I got this email from a friend today and, while I care very much for my friend, this kind of email drives me nuts. I’ve always wanted to reply with what I really think of these sorts of emails and today I’m finally going to.

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old . I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old.

Yeah, senility will do that to a person

Upon seeing my reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let him know.

No doubt, he waited in trembling anticipation for your answer. You know what? I don’t believe anyone asked this boring old windbag how he felt about getting old. I think the person who wrote this lied just so he’d have yet another opportunity to go on and on and on and ON about how great it is to be old.

Growing Older , I decided, is a gift.

Right. Smallpox is a gift too! I kid, I kid… but, honestly, getting old is just — getting old. It’s absurd for people to totemize old age. Being old is absolutely no guarantee of wisdom. As this saccharine “Getting Old” essay amply demonstrates.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.

What took you so damned long? Talk about a late bloomer.

Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body … The wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the cellulite.

A few hours on the treadmill every week could help with that. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you have to quit caring about your appearance or your health.

And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I’m guessing that’s because they don’t stick in your memory for more than a few minutes. After all, if you’re literally forgetting what you look like… that’s not a good sign, dude.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.

News Flash, old fart! You don’t have to trade. You can have it all!

As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.

Eh… some self-criticism is a good thing. That’s actually one of the biggest problems with the world: people who aren’t sufficiently critical of themselves.

I’ve become my own friend.

Heh… well, I guess someone had to.

I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie,

Christ. No wonder you’ve got cellulite.

or for not making my bed,

Slob.

or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avant garde on my patio.

That actually sounds pretty cool, but… what kind of pathetic loser chides himself for buying a silly cement gecko? Jeez. You must have been a miserable young person.

I am entitled to be messy, to be extravagant, to smell the flowers.

And you only now figured that out?

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon;

Don’t tell me: they committed suicide to escape your endless lame “philosophizing”.

before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

And that is….what? The freedom to belch without saying “Excuse me”? The freedom to blather on and on and on and not have people simply exit the room out of sheer boredom?

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 a.m and then sleep until — ?

Guess what? Nobody gives a shit what you do. You’re not nearly as wild and crazy as you might like to imagine.

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 40′s 50′s & 60′s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love I will.

Fine. Live it up. And the rest of us will talk behind your back about what a pathetic whack-job you are.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set.

That’s not pity, you nitwit. That’s disgust. For the love of Pete, cover up! There’s a difference between being ashamed of your body and realizing that there are things other people simply don’t want to see.

They, too, will get old.

And, if God is good, they won’t be as tiresome as you are.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.

Alas, the internet remembers forever. And forever. I’ve received this thing probably a dozen times.

But then again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things.

We can only hope. But it probably won’t happen before almost everyone who knows you has found some way of escaping your endless yapping.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car?

You left the back door open again, didn’t you? Idiot.

But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.

No. Broken hearts give us pain. Intelligence and the ability transcend stupid platitudes are what give us strength, understanding, and compassion.

A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

Excuse me while I retch.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

Oy vey. I’m starting to feel the effects of a sugar overdose.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

Yes, yes… very sad. Maybe they thought all they had to look forward to was an old age filled with sanctimonious drivel.

I can say “no,” and mean it. I can say “yes.” and mean it.

Good lord. I hope you didn’t wait until you were old to accomplish that.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive.

You think?

You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore.

Maybe you should question yourself a bit more. Seriously.

I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

You think you needed to earn the “right” to be wrong? That’s just sad, man. This is stuff people ought to have already figured out by the time they’ve reached their 30s.

So, to answer your question,

There was a question? Jeez… you’ve been going on for so long, I’d nearly forgotten.

I like being older. It has set me free.

Ai yi yi.

I like the person I have become.

Well, I suppose someone had to.

I am not going to live forever,

Thank god.

but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day… (if I want)

Zzzzzzzzz…..

Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.

What the fuck does that even mean?

Love simply.

But not irresponsibly. You know what that means. Use condoms. Every time.

Love generously.

If you’ve got to pay, I suppose you can probably just leave the money on the bedside table.

Care deeply.

And don’t forget to close the back door at night or you’re going to find yourself with plenty more opportunities for gaining “strength, understanding, and compassion”.

Good god. I hope I never become as much of an insufferable windbag as the author of this piece of crap.

Travel Photo Contest

The winners of the Washington Post’s eighth annual travel photo contest have been announced and, of course, the pictures are wonderful. You can see them here. I haven’t entered the contest, but I’ve got a couple of pictures that I think are really especially good, too. Are they potential winners? You tell me.

This one was taken on the shores of Lake Superior in Two Harbors, Minnesota. I love the texture of the rocks and how the water and the sky combine into a single visual element.

And this one’s near Loch Ard Gorge on the southern coast of Australia.