Words Like Locusts Flew From Her Fingers

An Example of “Cold Reading”

In a post earlier this week I mentioned a story the Washington Post ran about a woman who believes she contacted the spirit of her dead son through a psychic medium. Although a lot of people followed up (on the Post’s web site) with supportive comments, about a third of the commenters tried, as I did, to explain to the woman how psychics use cold reading to persuade people they know more than they really do. Basically, what it amounts to is that the psychic throws out a lot of general guesses and the client fills in the details themselves — giving personal meaning to what’s really vague. The client tends to remember the “hits” and forget the “misses”. It’s only human nature.

Anyway, the woman who believed the psychic had connected with her dead son, did eventually provide a more detailed account of her experience. It really is an excellent example of cold reading and it will be interesting, I think, to break it down bit by bit to examine exactly what’s happening here.

On Faith: Guest Voices: Now I Know the Dead Stay With Us
Right off the bat (with Justin’s friend and me sitting there waiting and silent) Glenn [the psychic medium] told us two people were there. He said one of them was a gentleman, and he had a lot to say. He said the other one was an older woman, who looked to be grandmotherly aged. He said she was there to cross the gentleman over, and also to give me toughness and strength. Glenn said her birthday was April.

Gigi — the woman seeing the psychic — is middle-aged. EVERY middle-aged person has lost an older woman and a “gentleman”. The psychic may have been fishing for a dead mother and a recently deceased husband since that would have been the most likely scenario for a woman her age. It’s a VERY general statement on the part of the psychic. Look at how GiGi provides her own meaning, though.

All of a sudden, I nearly fell out of my chair. I realized that had to be my maternal grandmother, who passed away at 74 when I was 18, whose birthday was in April.

It could have been anyone. The April birthday — well, doesn’t everyone have at least one dead female relative who was born in April? If Gigi hadn’t been able to think of anyone herself, the psychic would probably have suggested that it was a relative or old family friend who’s birthday she simply didn’t know.

I hadn’t thought of her a lot since her death. But now I remembered how she had always been incredibly strong and self-assertive—both as a young widow and then a bereaved mother– and also, now I realized—SHE SUFFERED THE SAME TRAGEDY AS I HAD!! SHE HAD LOST HER YOUNGEST, MOST GIFTED CHILD WHEN THAT CHILD WAS THE SAME AGE AS JUSTIN…my mother.

If I were the client, I would have filled in my own meaning here — and it would have been just as applicable to my own personal situation as Gigi’s was for her. For me, I would have assumed it was my paternal grandmother. I didn’t know her birthdate so… it could have been April.

So OF COURSE she’d show up with Justin.

Notice how Gigi has once again supplied meaning to the psychic’s extremely general statement? Wouldn’t someone who was really in communication with the dead have been able to simply TELL Gigi that it was her grandmother and her son? No — he comes out with the most likely scenario given the client’s age and sex and the client herself provides the details. She’s on the hook now — all the psychic has to do is reel her in.

She more than anyone understands my pain! I had never thought of that before, and here Glenn was telling me, “Here she is, here for you.” I also then realized that it was probably SHE who has turned me so toward my granddaughters for strength. She once turned to ME, her grandchild, when HER youngest, closest child died…and she’s been influencing me to do the same.

Now the client is really rolling. She’s imbued the psychic’s general guess with TONS of meaning. Meaning SHE provided — not him. But in her recollection of the experience, she will attribute all of this to the psychic.

Then Glenn turned to the young man and said (not knowing he was my son) that this is someone I’ve spent many lifetimes with.

Here’s another perfect example of the client providing the meaningful details. You’ll notice that the psychic never said it was a “young man”. That’s just what Gigi wants to believe. At this point, the psychic may very well still think he’s dealing with a dead spouse situation. The “many lifetimes” thing fits more with that assumption. And, of course, anyone who’s visiting a psychic is going to be a lot more likely to believe in the whole “many lifetimes” thing, too.

I realize that sounds very vague, but I was completely bowled over, because I’ve always called Justin my “soulmate child”. Always, since he was little, and I dearly love my other two sons, but I never felt that way about them.

Again, a very general statement that could have applied to pretty much anyone but Gigi fills in the meaning that makes it relevant to her. If it were me, I might have assumed it was my father.

Then Glenn went on to reveal things about Justin that only Justin could have told him:

Uh huh…sure…

that he’d cut his life short,

That would apply to ANYONE who’s died. People don’t generally visit psychics to get in touch with people who have died of old age.

that he was a daredevil (Glenn used that word); that this gentleman had sometimes done things that other people don’t dare do;

A guess — if someone’s died prematurely, it’s quite possible they were in an accident of some kind. It happens to fit Gigi’s personal situation, so she latches onto it as a “hit”.

and he saw this gentleman taking bows and holding “Emmy awards”.

A total miss — but for some reason Gigi counts it as a “hit”. Maybe it fits with her aspirations for her son.

He saw this guy surrounded by animals. He saw him working with animals.

Lots of people like animals. But what’s with the “working with animals”? What happened to the Emmy awards? The psychic is really fishing here and it’s another miss — the dead guy didn’t “work with animals”. But notice how the client again supplies her own meaning to very general statements. She even finds a way of making the misses fit into what she wants to hear!

Justin and I always shared an intense love of animals.

Her and about 2/3 of the rest of the population of the United States. This is an easy one for the psychic. Most people have had a pet at one time or another in their lives.

Glenn started seeing other people coming forth. He saw my passed away Uncle Don, who died 20 years ago. Glenn saw “A tall, thin guy with big ears, smoking a lot of cigarettes.”

No!! That’s not your Uncle Don! That my grandpa Roy!! See? If you really want to, you can usually think of someone who will fit these kinds of descriptions.

Glenn had my uncle totally down pat, right down to his big ears. And I haven’t even thought of this uncle in decades, much less written of him or talked about him.

And I’ve never written or recently spoken about my grandfather, either. He died when I was two years old. But from the pictures I’ve seen of him, Glenn’s description was dead on. Amazing! Not.

Glenn saw my mother, and called her “a fly on the wall.” Glenn had no idea that my mother died when I was six;

He didn’t need to know. Once you’ve hit middle age, chances are pretty good that one or both of your parents have died. What I want to know is did Glenn say he saw her mother? Or did he say something like, “I see a woman” — and Gigi just supplied the meaning (that it was her mother) herself?

he had no idea that I’ve felt her hovering presence as my guardian angel all my life since I was a child; so it was very, very apt that he saw her as a fly on the wall. That’s exactly what she’s always been to me.

If you’re visiting a psychic, he already knows that you believe the spirits of the dead can communicate with the living. His “fly on the wall” comment just affirms something he already knows you must believe.

Glenn saw something else that blew my mind, that didn’t make it onto his tape, because the tape was only 60 minutes, and he stayed for over an hour, and this was at the end. He saw a dog with Justin. I said, “Of course. That’s Chipper. He died three years ago. He was our dog.”

Classic example of client supplying information for the psychic. Who doesn’t have a dead pet dog in their history?

Glenn said, “Yes, I see a German Shepherd.”

Pay close attention here. This is A MISS. He doesn’t correct the client when she says it’s their pet dog Chipper. The psychic has it WRONG.

And I replied, “No. It can’t be a Shepherd. Chippy was a full-blooded Yellow Lab.” And Glenn insisted, “Nope. This is a German Shepherd. I’m looking at a German Shepherd.”

He can’t back down now. He’s already said it’s a German Shepherd. He knows the client will find some way of making what he says true.

He kept this up for a full minute or two, with me shaking my head, confused, until all of a sudden it hit me, just like a ton of bricks: 17 years ago, when Justin was 10, we adopted a German Shepherd from the aminal shelter. We only had him for a short while, a few months, because he up and disappeared. Justin had been crushed by this. I hadn’t thought of this dog in many years, and neither had Justin. And now here’s Glenn telling me, this Shepherd is sitting right next to Justin.

See? She had to think hard, but eventually she found a way of making it true. And notice how she’s still assuming it’s Justin — even though the psychic has never said a single thing that would make that indisputable. If I were the client, I’d say it’s the German Shepherd dog that supposedly “saved my mother’s life” when she was a child. She told me about it several times. So… it only makes sense that my maternal grandfather would be appearing near that dog. Right?

I said, “Well, where’s Chippy?” And Glenn said Justin said Chippy stays with my mother. That made perfect sense to me, because in life, sometimes Chippy had stayed with my aunt, who’s my mother’s living sister.

The psychic could have said pretty much anything at this point and the client would have found a way to make it fit her circumstances. What I want to know is… why has the psychic still not specifically said it’s Justin — her SON — who he’s seeing?

Glenn also said Justin was talking about a little girl,

I bet that’s not at all what Glenn said. I bet he said something like “the gentleman” is talking about a little girl. It’s Gigi — not Glenn — who is providing the meaning here.

who looks a lot like him, whose name is unusual. Glenn showed me with his hands exactly how high Justin was saying she is. This could only be my almost 4-year old granddaughter, Liya, whose name is not spelled the usual way, Leah. And out of my 4 granddaughters, she looks the most like Justin. She lives in Buffalo. 8 hours from New York. Now you tell me how Glenn could have come up with THAT one on his own.

Sigh… HE DIDN’T. Glenn made a very general statement that might have applied to anyone and Gigi provided the meaning. If Glenn had said the very same thing to anyone else, it’s very likely they too might have been able to think of someone in their lives it would apply to. If it were me, I’d guess “the gentleman” (my father) was talking about one of my nieces — one of whom has a name with an unusual spelling. Keep in mind that unusual name spellings are pretty common these days.

I’VE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST:

Oh, I bet. This is really just kind of sad.

When he was alive, Justin would visit his friend a lot (the one at the session with Glenn and me). This friend is very cordial, and he always had a beer out for Justin. Justin would always take it, and he’d say “Put it on my tab.”

A pretty common thing to say, actually.

Sure enough, halfway through Glenn said the young man

When did “the gentleman” become “the young man”? I’m guessing that, if indeed the psychic did start referring to him as “the young man”, it was after Gigi let slip in some way that she was looking for contact with a young person.

“Hi buddy” to his friend, and then he said “I’d like a beer. Where’s my beer.” The friend brought a beer over,

They drink beer in the spirit world? Cool.

and Glenn then said: “He says put it on my tab.”

Lucky guess. But, again, something that LOTS AND LOTS of people say. So, not all that remarkable. And, if that hadn’t been something her son used to say, Gigi wouldn’t have thought a thing of it. She’d already decided the psychic was communicating with her son.