This Is What I’m Feeling
Its funny, all your life you just carry on happily doing the day to day things comfortable in the knowledge that you are well and making plans for the future. Holidays,family days out,birthdays and Christmas. Subconsciously looking into the future with a picture of what you want to do and places you want to go.
I don’t have that, I used to. I don’t anymore. Just a black,blank space where the future used to be. I cant get it back until the operation is done and I know I have pulled through and hopefully PMP free.
OK … I’m just catching up here after being gone since Friday (to my aunt’s funeral) … today you are mentioning more surgery? In the post just before this last one, you said you were taking a “wait and see” approach. Did I miss something in the middle?
No, you haven’t really missed much. I just haven’t been talking about it!
I had a new set of tumor marker tests last week and, while my levels have gone down, they haven’t gone down as much as we’d hoped. My surgeon said “This may affect what Dr. Esquivel does with you” — which I’m interpreting to mean “you may be having the big surgery sooner rather than later”.
We won’t have to wonder too much longer. I’ve been referred to Dr. Esquivel (the doctor who does the big surgery) and am just waiting for Kaiser to approve it. I don’t anticipate any trouble with that. My pathology report very clearly says that I have PMP.
SO… we shall see.