Words Like Locusts Flew From Her Fingers

“Drive to Baltimore”

Today’s opening act ,”Drive to Baltimore”, was a short 1 hour and 35 mins door to door- occasion. While we wait for the next act- “Colon Prep” to start, our cameras managed to capture the star of the show lounging comfortably in the latest in designer hospital fashions….

Test of the Play by Play!!!!

Good Evening Surgery Fans!

This is Mark, your color commentator for the Tuesday main event and welcome to  pre-pregame show.  The main event will be Tuesday 19 July 2011 live from St. Agnes Hospital, Baltimore Maryland where we will broadcasting the main event “Surgery of the Summer” staring Rebecca Hartong (as her self).

The pre-game show will begin tomorrow  with the opening short act “Drive to Baltimore” followed by “This is Colon Prep”.

Stayed tuned right here for all the latest and greatest is what is sure to be an exiting, highly entertaining, and long awaited event.

And now, for something completely unexpected….  ”The Spanish Inquisition”

In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film. This was the Spanish Inquisition…

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang  is just Cardinal Fang]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our *four*…no… *Amongst* our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again.

[The Inquisition exits]

[The Inquisition exits]

Commentator: I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals burst in]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms – Oh damn!
[To Cardinal Biggles] I can’t say it – you’ll have to say it.
Biggles: What?
Ximinez: You’ll have to say the bit about ‘Our chief weapons are …’
Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn’t do that…

[Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again]

Commentator: I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals enter]

Biggles: Er…. Nobody…um….
Ximinez: Expects…
Biggles: Expects… Nobody expects the…um…the Spanish…um…
Ximinez: Inquisition.
Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -
Ximinez: Our chief weapons are…
Biggles: Our chief weapons are…um…er…
Ximinez: Surprise…
Biggles: Surprise and –
Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there – stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! … our chief weapons are surprise…blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. ‘My old man said follow the–’
Biggles: That’s enough.
[To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead?
Clevelnd: We’re innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]

Biggles: We’ll soon change your mind about that!

[DIABOLICAL ACTING]

Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless– [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal — the rack!

[Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]

Ximinez: You….Right! Tie her down.

[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack]

Ximinez:Right! How do you plead?
Clevelnd: Innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn.

[Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]

Biggles: I….
Ximinez: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can’t. I didn’t want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles: I…
Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles: Shall I…?
Ximinez: No, just pretend for God’s sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack]

[Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde]

Ximinez: Now, old woman — you are accused of heresy on three counts — heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action — *four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde: I don’t understand what I’m accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we’ll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch…THE CUSHIONS!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]

Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady — you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly — *two* last chances. And you shall be free — *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that’s the way you want it — Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

[Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn’t seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch…THE COMFY CHAIR!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Zoom into Fang's horrified face]

Fang [terrified]: The…Comfy Chair?

[Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one]

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

[They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair]

Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now — you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!

Upcoming Surgery

As most of you know, I’m going back in the hospital next week for more surgery.

I’m going to be admitted to St. Agnes Hospital in Baltimore on Monday morning for some additional testing and for the dreaded bowel prep (like what you do for a colonoscopy but with the added fun of heavy antibiotics).

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. It will take most of the day (7 or 8 hours, perhaps more). I’ll most likely be in the ICU for a day and then will be moved to a regular room. I’ll be in the hospital for about two weeks. As you might imagine, much depends on how well the surgery goes.

For those of you who live in the area and were thinking of visiting me — thanks! I probably won’t be up for visitors until around Saturday (July 23rd). Please coordinate the day and time of your visit with Mark if you possibly can. Mark will be with me every day for the first week I’m in the hospital, but beginning on Sunday (July 24th) he’ll only be able to visit every other day at best. It would be especially nice if you could time your visit for one of the days when he’s NOT here — but I’ll be happy to see you regardless! Mark’s email (for coordinating visits) is: mark.hartong@verizon.net

As far as keeping informed of my status, Mark will be posting updates to my web page:

http://www.rebeccahartong.net

So, that’s the first place you should look if you want to know how I’m doing. If he’s being slow with his updates, feel free to chastise him by email. Assuming the hospital has wireless internet, I’ll start posting my own updates as soon as I’m well enough to do so.

I’m going to repost most of this message to Facebook so my friends there will also have this information. You can also feel free to share this with whomever you think might be interested.

Garden 071611

Sometimes you’ve just got to hang out in your garden and maybe take pictures of it, you know? I’m trying to soak up enough gardeny goodness that I’ll have some residual left for enjoyment while I’m recovering over the next weeks and months. Now, I’m really serious about this part: If any of you friends of mine want some tomatoes, please come over and help yourselves! I’m going to have WAY more than I or my neighbors can use. Just… if you come over while I’m in the hospital, make sure you explain who you are if my neighbors try to chase you away.

People Finally Waking Up to the Fact That Michele Bachmann is a Bigot?

Minnesota congresswoman and GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann is coming under fire from mental health professionals after ABC’s “Nightline” on Monday first aired a video released by gay rights group Truth Wins Out showing a therapist at a counseling center owned by Bachmann’s husband telling a gay client that he could convert to heterosexuality through prayer. Marcus Bachmann had previously denied that his counseling center offered so-called reparative therapy, which is opposed by the American Psychological Association.

via Bachmann under fire over husband’s clinic – 44 – The Washington Post.

I find it more than a little disingenuous that Bachmann is only now “under fire” for her husband’s anti-gay counseling practice. Michele Bachmann herself has been very clear that she considers homosexuality to be “sinful”, calling it “sexual dysfunction” and “personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement”.

This kind of bigotry is the LAST thing we need in the White House and, honestly, it repels me to know that this person has a say in our House of Representatives.

Prelude III by T.S. Eliot

I created this little presentation of a favorite poem quite a few years ago and only today rediscovered it. Just let it play — it’s relatively short — and you should be returned here when it’s done.

Click here to begin.

Tumor Markers

I had my monthly tumor marker tests this morning and they were very speedy about getting the results back to me. Not surprisingly, my markers are up — higher now than they were in April before my last surgery. It’s a little disconcerting, but I did expect this. Here, for your dancing and dining pleasure….

Well, How About That!

As you may have noticed, I now have SIGNIFICANTLY more content on my web site. I was looking around at some old saved files and discovered a back-up of my previous blog. I (perhaps foolishly) took a chance on restoring it all to this new blog and — hey presto! — almost all of it came through just fine! Unfortunately, it looks like most of the categories didn’t come along for the ride, but… ah well. My next feat of technological magic will be to see if I can restore most of the images that went along with these old blog entries.

Not to be overly braggadocios, but if you find yourself with some empty hours you should read a bit of my old stuff. Some of it is rather good, if I do say so myself.

And, obviously, I do.

Dulles Gateway Dog Park

I hesitate to even write about this nice little dog park because I don’t want it to become popular. I’ll say only that it’s right next to the place where we board Strider and, despite appearances, it’s actually open to the public. Both times we’ve gone, we’ve been the only ones there. Sweet! I like this dog park because it’s a natural setting with grass and trees and rocks — so it’s a lot more interesting for Strider to wander around in. Lots of interesting smells. Alas, it also has a lot of sticker-plants (whatever those plants are that have the very sticky green seed pods that get all wound up in a dog’s fur.)

Here are some nice pictures and a video of Strider having an excellent time at the dog park.

A Visit to the Dog Park with Morning Glories