Words Like Locusts Flew From Her Fingers

Drugs, Drugs, and More Drugs

They sure are more liberal with the pain meds when you’ve got cancer! Today I got a prescription for honest-to-god MORPHINE for my abdominal pain. The Percocet I was taking was keeping me awake at night, so we’re trying this instead. Weird, I know. Apparently I’m especially sensitive to narcotics — with the Percocet, I doze and have one after another of weird mini-”dreams” which wake me from my dozing — which wasn’t really sound asleep to begin with. Maybe morphine will work better. We shall see. When I’m having pain, I’ll be taking 1 time-release tablet every 12 hours.

Other health news: The one liver enzyme that was very very elevated has gone down a bit on my latest bloodwork. Yay! Maybe the FOLFIRI is having an effect on the liver tumor. My CEA tumor marker went up yet again but by a much smaller percentage than in past tests, so… not great, but not too bad. It might be due somewhat to all the inflammation in my gut from the chemo.

So, the plan now is that I will continue on FOLFIRI without the Avastin on the presumption that I will be having surgery again in late January or early February. Also good news is that my local oncologist is onboard with the idea of me having surgery again and agrees with me that I should be a good candidate for it still. If for some reason my previous surgeon doesn’t want to go back for another try, my local doc has connections at NIH with people who will do the surgery with the HIPEC. (Though I’d rather stick with my original surgeon since he has very much experience with what is a very complicated and delicate procedure.) We shall see.

Also, I’m now lined up for my next CT scan — which will be in mid January. Much will be revealed at that time. Until then, it’s all a matter of just keeping on keeping on.

For those of you who aren’t part of my musical life, I’m no longer doing any performing. I’m just too fatigued to make a decent go of it and it’s not fair to the groups I play in to be unreliable as I have been. (I’ve had…ahem…episodes of sudden bouts of diarrhea with accompanying cramping and general abdominal owie-ness. Not the best circumstances for performance.) So… I’m home most of the time now. Stop by for a visit if you’re in the area!

Television

I’ve been watching a LOT of television these past 6 months or so. I was never a big TV watcher before the cancer diagnosis but I have found that chemo leaves me with little energy for much else. I do read some, but it’s often difficult to concentrate. TV is easier — especially since I watch all of these shows on some form of “video on demand”, so I can replay parts I might snooze through. Anyway, I’ve discovered there really are some good shows on. These are the ones I make a point of watching.

Nurse Jackie This has Edie Falco (remember her from The Sopranos?) as an emergency room nurse who’s addicted to pain killers. It’s funny at times, sad at times, and wholly engaging. Edie Falco’s a wonderful actress and she’s got some other really good people to work with.

The Big C This one is about a woman who’s battling malignant melanoma. Again, it’s funny and sad and pretty good.

Breaking Bad Wow! What a great show! Remember the guy who played the dad in “Malcolm in the Middle”? In this show he plays a high school chemistry teacher who (diagnosed with lung cancer) decides to manufacture and sell high-quality meth in order to make money to set his family up after he’s gone. Turns out he doesn’t die quite as quickly as he’d expected. Things go terribly terribly wrong with the whole meth business thing and very little of it is funny. I always liked Bryan Cranston in his comedies. Turns out he’s an amazing dramatic actor, too. (Just like Kelsey Grammer — more about him later.)

Grimm I’m not sure I’m going to continue with this one, but I’ll give a brief description. It turns out that all those bad guys in the fairy tales — big bad wolves, etc — are real shape-shifting type creatures that exist in our everyday world. There are special people called Grimms (like the Brothers Grimm, get it?) who are capable of recognizing and destroying these baddies. It’s all very “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” — and was created by some of the same people. I thought it might be good, but it’s turning out to be sort of ho-hum.

Once Upon A Time Another show where fairly tale creatures exist as “humans” in our everyday world. This one has a rather involved plot that I’d rather not spend the time getting into. Suffice it to say, it has a cute little kid who is becoming more annoying as the show goes on. Also, the “hard as nails but with a heart of gold” protagonist is unappealing to me. Characters like this should have some kind of likability, but I’m just not finding that in her. There’s no hint of warmth and you really need that — a hint of warmth — in order to make this sort of character work. Others may disagree, but I don’t think this actress is capable of pulling it off. I’m quitting this show too, I think.

Hell on Wheels We started watching this mostly for my husband seeing as how he’s a railroad sort of guy. (He works for the Federal Railroad Administration as a Scientist — mostly on stuff related to positive train control.) At any rate, this show is about the building of the transcontinental railroad. It’s an interesting window into that time. It was really dirty back then. I can only imagine how people smelled. To be honest, I’m not all that taken with the plot but the historical references are interesting.

Enlightened This has Laura Dern as a woman who freaks out at her job as an executive, gets fired and spends a month or so at a treatment center/spa sort of place getting her life back in order. She tries to get her original job back, but they put her down in some sub-sub basement department doing data entry type work. The show is about her trying to stay upbeat about her life. It’s funny and sad and really very good. Her real-life mother, Diane Ladd, plays her mother on the show. This one is probably an acquired taste — but I really like it so far.

Boardwalk Empire Another “wow! what a great show!” kind of show. I’ve always loved Steve Buscemi’s acting and he’s great in this series. He plays the city treasurer of Atlantic City during the prohibition years. He basically runs the whole city, making sure liquor is available at all of the city’s entertainment venues, keeping the wheels turning, keeping everybody happy, arranging for people to be killed when necessary… There are a lot of great actors in this series, the plot is great, it’s really good in pretty much every way. Very highly recommended.

The Walking Dead I love this show! But of course I do! Everyone who knows me well would know that I’d love this show. It’s got zombies and more gore than you could possibly ask for. Not only that, it’s got interesting non-zombie characters with plots that are at times even sort of thought-provoking. My favorite character on this show is Darryl. Darryl is sort of red-necky, but he carries a cross bow for killing zombies (smart! kills silently!), knows how to track, knows wilderness first aid, and is willing to eat raw squirrel when necessary. Darryl rocks and if I were ever in a zombie apocalypse situation, I’d want Darryl on my team. Team Darryl! Team Darryl! Team Darryl!!!

Terra Nova The more I watch this show, the more I like it. At first I thought the cute little kid might be a problem. (I typically don’t like shows with cute little kids.) They’re keeping the kid pretty much in the background, though, so all is good thus far. Okay, so… if you haven’t seen it, the premise is that it’s the year 2149 (I think). Earth has gone to hell with pollution and such. A portal to another “earlier” earth is discovered — like with dinosaurs — and select people have gone through to set up a new utopian society. There’s lots more. It’s complicated. It’s turning out to be pretty good.

Boss This is another GREAT SHOW. Kelsey Grammer plays the mayor of Chicago. He has learned that he has a fatal disease that will gradually rob him of his mental and physical faculties. He’s ruthless, brutal, crude, and fascinating. The show is about politics as much as it’s about the main character’s deterioration. It’s not at all funny and if you like Kelsey Grammer already (I do), you’re going to be completely wowed with his dramatic acting.

Everybody knows the rest of these shows, right?

Dexter Serial killer with something sort of like a conscience.

The Office I’m especially loving James Spader as the Robert California character.

The Daily Show What’s not to love?

The Colbert Report And again?