Words Like Locusts Flew From Her Fingers

Television

I’ve been watching a LOT of television these past 6 months or so. I was never a big TV watcher before the cancer diagnosis but I have found that chemo leaves me with little energy for much else. I do read some, but it’s often difficult to concentrate. TV is easier — especially since I watch all of these shows on some form of “video on demand”, so I can replay parts I might snooze through. Anyway, I’ve discovered there really are some good shows on. These are the ones I make a point of watching.

Nurse Jackie This has Edie Falco (remember her from The Sopranos?) as an emergency room nurse who’s addicted to pain killers. It’s funny at times, sad at times, and wholly engaging. Edie Falco’s a wonderful actress and she’s got some other really good people to work with.

The Big C This one is about a woman who’s battling malignant melanoma. Again, it’s funny and sad and pretty good.

Breaking Bad Wow! What a great show! Remember the guy who played the dad in “Malcolm in the Middle”? In this show he plays a high school chemistry teacher who (diagnosed with lung cancer) decides to manufacture and sell high-quality meth in order to make money to set his family up after he’s gone. Turns out he doesn’t die quite as quickly as he’d expected. Things go terribly terribly wrong with the whole meth business thing and very little of it is funny. I always liked Bryan Cranston in his comedies. Turns out he’s an amazing dramatic actor, too. (Just like Kelsey Grammer — more about him later.)

Grimm I’m not sure I’m going to continue with this one, but I’ll give a brief description. It turns out that all those bad guys in the fairy tales — big bad wolves, etc — are real shape-shifting type creatures that exist in our everyday world. There are special people called Grimms (like the Brothers Grimm, get it?) who are capable of recognizing and destroying these baddies. It’s all very “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” — and was created by some of the same people. I thought it might be good, but it’s turning out to be sort of ho-hum.

Once Upon A Time Another show where fairly tale creatures exist as “humans” in our everyday world. This one has a rather involved plot that I’d rather not spend the time getting into. Suffice it to say, it has a cute little kid who is becoming more annoying as the show goes on. Also, the “hard as nails but with a heart of gold” protagonist is unappealing to me. Characters like this should have some kind of likability, but I’m just not finding that in her. There’s no hint of warmth and you really need that — a hint of warmth — in order to make this sort of character work. Others may disagree, but I don’t think this actress is capable of pulling it off. I’m quitting this show too, I think.

Hell on Wheels We started watching this mostly for my husband seeing as how he’s a railroad sort of guy. (He works for the Federal Railroad Administration as a Scientist — mostly on stuff related to positive train control.) At any rate, this show is about the building of the transcontinental railroad. It’s an interesting window into that time. It was really dirty back then. I can only imagine how people smelled. To be honest, I’m not all that taken with the plot but the historical references are interesting.

Enlightened This has Laura Dern as a woman who freaks out at her job as an executive, gets fired and spends a month or so at a treatment center/spa sort of place getting her life back in order. She tries to get her original job back, but they put her down in some sub-sub basement department doing data entry type work. The show is about her trying to stay upbeat about her life. It’s funny and sad and really very good. Her real-life mother, Diane Ladd, plays her mother on the show. This one is probably an acquired taste — but I really like it so far.

Boardwalk Empire Another “wow! what a great show!” kind of show. I’ve always loved Steve Buscemi’s acting and he’s great in this series. He plays the city treasurer of Atlantic City during the prohibition years. He basically runs the whole city, making sure liquor is available at all of the city’s entertainment venues, keeping the wheels turning, keeping everybody happy, arranging for people to be killed when necessary… There are a lot of great actors in this series, the plot is great, it’s really good in pretty much every way. Very highly recommended.

The Walking Dead I love this show! But of course I do! Everyone who knows me well would know that I’d love this show. It’s got zombies and more gore than you could possibly ask for. Not only that, it’s got interesting non-zombie characters with plots that are at times even sort of thought-provoking. My favorite character on this show is Darryl. Darryl is sort of red-necky, but he carries a cross bow for killing zombies (smart! kills silently!), knows how to track, knows wilderness first aid, and is willing to eat raw squirrel when necessary. Darryl rocks and if I were ever in a zombie apocalypse situation, I’d want Darryl on my team. Team Darryl! Team Darryl! Team Darryl!!!

Terra Nova The more I watch this show, the more I like it. At first I thought the cute little kid might be a problem. (I typically don’t like shows with cute little kids.) They’re keeping the kid pretty much in the background, though, so all is good thus far. Okay, so… if you haven’t seen it, the premise is that it’s the year 2149 (I think). Earth has gone to hell with pollution and such. A portal to another “earlier” earth is discovered — like with dinosaurs — and select people have gone through to set up a new utopian society. There’s lots more. It’s complicated. It’s turning out to be pretty good.

Boss This is another GREAT SHOW. Kelsey Grammer plays the mayor of Chicago. He has learned that he has a fatal disease that will gradually rob him of his mental and physical faculties. He’s ruthless, brutal, crude, and fascinating. The show is about politics as much as it’s about the main character’s deterioration. It’s not at all funny and if you like Kelsey Grammer already (I do), you’re going to be completely wowed with his dramatic acting.

Everybody knows the rest of these shows, right?

Dexter Serial killer with something sort of like a conscience.

The Office I’m especially loving James Spader as the Robert California character.

The Daily Show What’s not to love?

The Colbert Report And again?

So It Goes

Yeah, so… once again, the words haven’t been flying off like locusts. It’s getting cold out. Maybe they’re hibernating. Or something.

Actually, I suspect that a large part of my relative lack of communication is that there’s a whole lot of “different day, same old shit” going on in my life lately. Remember all that “good week/bad week” business from a month or so ago? These days they’re all pretty much “blah”. The bad weeks (week one of each chemo cycle) haven’t seemed as bad as they used to, but the good weeks (week two of each cycle) don’t seem significantly better, either. It’s all just one long gray stretch of mild nausea, mild headaches, tingling fingers and toes, everything tasting weird or not tasting much at all, and occasional diarrhea. Oh, and fatigue. Lots and lots of fatigue. And did I mention that my hair is now falling out? I’d read that thinning hair was a possible side effect. As usual, I thought I’d somehow be exempt. It’s not bad enough that I’d shave my head at this point, but it may soon reach a point where I start wearing scarves to kinda cover up the places where my scalp is starting to show through. Actually, I’m cool with that. Scarves and hats and such can be good.

Whatever. So… that’s why no blog entries. It’s just one blah-blah plodding day after another lately.

Oh, I do have some exciting news. My CEA tumor marker level is now up to 167. Yes, that’s right. It has quadrupled in one month’s time. Not the sort of result you want to see when you’re actively getting chemotherapy. It’s possible that it’s just due to extreme inflammation in my digestive tract due to the chemo. I’ve got a CT scan scheduled for this coming Tuesday that will be helpful in revealing exactly what’s going on inside me.

I’ve got a feeling more surgery — which was planned anyway — may be happening sooner rather than later.

Oh, and since I’m in a real bitching and complaining kind of mood: Let me just say that I’m getting REALLY SICK AND TIRED of all the breast cancer pink ribbon crap everywhere. All these commercials: eat our yogurt and we’ll give money to breast cancer research, buy our cleaning product and we’ll give money to breast cancer research, shop at our store and we’ll give money to breast cancer research… Look, I’m very happy for everyone who has breast cancer (like my good friend Carol) who has benefited from all of this money, but there are a whole bunch of other kinds of cancer and people with those cancers — especially people with rare cancers like mine — who feel a little bit like they’ve been sucker punched with all this rah-rah-breast-cancer business.

When Carol first started treatment for her breast cancer, she got all kinds of free stuff: a pink water bottle, head scarves, books, and not one, but TWO, “cancer navigators”. (The “navigator” is a special nurse who helps guide the patient through their treatment.)

When you get pseudomyxoma peritonei (PMP), you get nothing. Nothing, that is, except a lot of blank stares from people (even from medical personnel) who’ve never heard of your disease and really have no clue what it is or how it’s treated. There are very few general cancer surgeons in this country who recognize PMP when they see it. If you don’t happen to have the good luck of being operated on by one of them, you’re very likely going to be treated like a colon cancer patient — which isn’t really going to help you very much. It’s only my good luck, and — yes, my ability to do effective online research — that’s given me the chance I’ve got for beating this thing.

Some days, though, I really wish I had my own “cancer navigator”.

Eaten by Langoliers

It kind of blows my mind that it’s already October 12th. Where the hell did September go? In our house whenever someone asks “Where did the time go?” We always answer, “The Langoliers ate it.” (We’re big Stephen King fans at our house.) Well, the Langoliers really chomped down on the last month and a half because I don’t remember much of it going by.

I had chemo a week ago Monday and I’ve been having a surprisingly good time of it since then. “Bad week” was barely bad. I didn’t have any break-through nausea at all and what diarrhea I had was easily controlled. I feel fatigued and my hair is falling out, but other than that I feel pretty okay. Not great — but not bad, either.

The thing with my hair…sigh. It’s definitely thinning. Every time I brush my hair, I have a much bigger clump than usual to clean out of the brush. Also, it’s just falling out all over me pretty much all the time now. I don’t have any bare patches or anything like that, but it’s thinner and looks like of scraggly. My kind of chemo isn’t supposed to make all my hair fall out — but it’s not uncommon for this level of hair loss, so… I guess, as usual, I thought I might somehow be exempt from this side effect.

This week, “good week” has been better than usual too. Though, as I said before, I am fatigued and have very little energy for doing things.

What else is happening in my life that might be noteworthy? Orchestra and flute choir rehearsals are going well. The little dog is as barky as ever. Life goes on pretty much as usual. My friend Carol has started radiation treatments for her breast cancer. Five days a week for 6 and a half weeks. Yikes. She says that, so far, it doesn’t hurt though, so… that’s good. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that Carol and David (her husband, retired) and I get together a couple of times a week to watch episodes of The Sopranos on DVD. They’d never seen the series and I suggested that since we’re all going to be sitting around the house a lot, we might as well do something fun with part of the time. We’re at the end of Season 3 right now. Lots of good stuff coming up. (I’ve seen it all before.)

I’ve actually been spending a LOT of time watching television. Not so much regular broadcast stuff, but stuff on Hulu Plus or Netflix streaming. I re-watched all of “Enterprise” over the past few weeks. Yesterday I watched a documentary about the Amish (though I slept through part of it), another documentary about the Vatican, and part 1 of Ken Burns documentary about Prohibition. I watched all of the episodes of Breaking Bad on Netflix or on “Video on Demand” (great show) and I’m thinking about watching that Terra Nova show — though I have to admit it looks pretty stupid. If it is, I will not watch. I’ve got better options than to watch stupid TV shows. (Several more documentaries in my Netflix queue, for example.)

Anyway… I guess that’s about it from here. Still got cancer — my CEA level (a tumor marker) had doubled on my last test. Still doing chemo. I’ve got a CT scan scheduled for 10/25 and that ought to produce some interesting results.

Looking Good! Feeling Good!

Well, I guess I should leave it to all of you to determine whether the “looking good” part of that is accurate. A neighbor who I don’t see often mentioned this morning, “Wow… you’ve lost a lot of weight, haven’t you?” Indeed, I have lost 25 pounds since April — and not in the healthiest of ways, but hey — it’s not like I didn’t need to lose weight anyway. I say: go with it. On the flips side, I am definitely feeling good and that is quite a nice thing. Starting yesterday, I have entered “good week” territory. Yay! Hurray for “good week”!

This morning I weeded my neighbor’s garden, moved a couple of cinderblocks that were in their front yard into their garage, and took down a plant hanger that had been hanging empty on their front porch for a couple weeks. Earlier I took Strider in for his grooming appointment and he now looks like a right Bedlington.

Rehearsals on Wednesday and Thursday night went well. The way I see this all working out is that I practice a LOT during the good weeks to make up for the less practice and less neurological acuity on the bad weeks. Happily, I think all of my concerts (that I’m committed to at this point) fall during good weeks or at the very end of bad weeks — which are, themselves, almost good. I don’t have orchestra rehearsal next week (which will be a bad week) because it’s going to be just strings. This works out quite nicely for me. I do have flute choir rehearsal, but I’m not as concerned about potentially making a fool of myself there as at orchestra rehearsal. So…

Anyway. Good week. Yay! I’m currently out on the deck with my laptop and a large glass of bright orange soda. You know if you drink that stuff with your eyes closed, it doesn’t really even taste like oranges. It’s just sweet and extremely carbonated. I think I shall make a quiche this afternoon.

Okay! Okay! Okay!!

I’ve been a bad blogger. Bad Blogger!! Naughty!! No! No! No!

And, obviously, I’ve been spending way too much time alone with the dog. You would think that being 2 1/2 years old now would have given him enough maturity that he wouldn’t still be spending large chunks of his day attempting to disembowel sofa pillows or barking at pretty much anything that enters our “territory” (that being anything he can see or hear and a few things I’m not sure what the hell he’s on about.)

Several of you have asked how I’m doing with the chemo side effects, so I’ll report on that. This week I’m feeling pretty darned good! Yippee! Last week, not so much.

I don’t know if it was arrogance or naiveté that had me thinking I wouldn’t have many side effects and that if I did have side effects, I’d not be much bothered by them. I have healed relatively easily from my two most recent surgeries and I’m otherwise pretty healthy (other than having cancer, ha ha), so I kinda figured — hey, this will be not so bad. I guess it’s all relative, but last week was more unpleasant than I’d anticipated. For those of you who are into medical voyeurism or who, like, maybe just kinda care about me (and I love you for that), I’ll lay out the week for you:

Monday — 4 hours of IV chemo and hookup for 48 hours of other kind of chemo at home. This was not too bad. I started noticing the neurological effects right away when I got home, though. Shooting “electrical” feelings in my fingers when touching anything cold.

Tuesday — Actually felt REALLY good on this day. Probably the first effects of the steroids they gave me on Monday.

Wednesday — Starting feeling at least somewhat nauseous pretty much all the time despite the anti-nausea drugs. Need better drugs. Also started feeling really moody — like wanting to cry or murder someone. Steroids again. Shooting electrical sensations continue.

Thursday — Nauseous. Still a little moody. Understand, I’m a pretty even-tempered person by nature.

Friday — At least the moodiness is gone. Realizing I’ve gotten…ahem…constipated rather badly. Lots of abdominal cramping. This is a known side effect of the drugs. Took senna plus stuff and went to bed. Cramps continue throughout the night. Still feeling nauseous too, by the way.

Saturday — Laxative is working, hurray! But now I’ve got body aches and “feel like I’m getting the flu” symptoms. These, too, are known side effects. Spent most of the day laying on the sofa.

Sunday — A little better than Saturday, but still quite weak. I’m literally panting just from climbing the stairs. I have to sit down to fold the laundry because it’s too exhausting to stand that long.

Monday — Started out feeling pretty good and then…surprise!…the OTHER known digestive side effect of my chemo kicks in. Diarrhea. Happily, a dose of Immodium fixed that right good. Nausea has pretty much stopped, though, so… yay!!

Yesterday — No nausea, no digestive issues, back to feeling almost normal. Well, alrighty then.

Today is even better. I feel pretty much entirely normal. So, if this past week is any indication (and I fear it is), this chemo thing is going to be a “one week feel like crap — one week feel pretty good” sort of program.

Well, shit. An embarrassingly big part of me right now wants to whine, “Why does this have to be happening to ME?? I don’t deserve this.” Of course, the answer to “why me?” is: Why NOT me? Disease doesn’t discriminate. It’s an equal opportunity life-fucker. You don’t have to live long on this lovely old planet of ours to know that. Still, I wouldn’t trade a single moment of the time I’ve been given — no matter how long that turns out to be.

So, anyway… no more chemo again until next Wednesday (I get a couple of days reprieve because of Labor Day.) So, I figure that I’ve probably got a full week of feeling good coming up. Can’t complain about that!

Test of the Play by Play!!!!

Good Evening Surgery Fans!

This is Mark, your color commentator for the Tuesday main event and welcome to  pre-pregame show.  The main event will be Tuesday 19 July 2011 live from St. Agnes Hospital, Baltimore Maryland where we will broadcasting the main event “Surgery of the Summer” staring Rebecca Hartong (as her self).

The pre-game show will begin tomorrow  with the opening short act “Drive to Baltimore” followed by “This is Colon Prep”.

Stayed tuned right here for all the latest and greatest is what is sure to be an exiting, highly entertaining, and long awaited event.

And now, for something completely unexpected….  ”The Spanish Inquisition”

In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film. This was the Spanish Inquisition…

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang  is just Cardinal Fang]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our *four*…no… *Amongst* our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again.

[The Inquisition exits]

[The Inquisition exits]

Commentator: I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals burst in]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms – Oh damn!
[To Cardinal Biggles] I can’t say it – you’ll have to say it.
Biggles: What?
Ximinez: You’ll have to say the bit about ‘Our chief weapons are …’
Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn’t do that…

[Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again]

Commentator: I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals enter]

Biggles: Er…. Nobody…um….
Ximinez: Expects…
Biggles: Expects… Nobody expects the…um…the Spanish…um…
Ximinez: Inquisition.
Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -
Ximinez: Our chief weapons are…
Biggles: Our chief weapons are…um…er…
Ximinez: Surprise…
Biggles: Surprise and –
Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there – stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! … our chief weapons are surprise…blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. ‘My old man said follow the–’
Biggles: That’s enough.
[To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead?
Clevelnd: We’re innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]

Biggles: We’ll soon change your mind about that!

[DIABOLICAL ACTING]

Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless– [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal — the rack!

[Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]

Ximinez: You….Right! Tie her down.

[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack]

Ximinez:Right! How do you plead?
Clevelnd: Innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn.

[Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]

Biggles: I….
Ximinez: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can’t. I didn’t want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles: I…
Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles: Shall I…?
Ximinez: No, just pretend for God’s sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack]

[Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde]

Ximinez: Now, old woman — you are accused of heresy on three counts — heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action — *four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde: I don’t understand what I’m accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we’ll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch…THE CUSHIONS!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]

Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady — you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly — *two* last chances. And you shall be free — *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that’s the way you want it — Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

[Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn’t seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch…THE COMFY CHAIR!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Zoom into Fang's horrified face]

Fang [terrified]: The…Comfy Chair?

[Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one]

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

[They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair]

Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now — you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!

Vegan Zombie

I’m a big fan of zombie fiction and yet I find myself in a bit of a pickle. (I love that expression.) I’m pro-zombie, but I just can’t get behind what they eat.

The folks at Serious Eats have turned me on to an alternative I hadn’t considered:

If, however, you insist on feeding your zombie the usual stuff, Serious Eats has also provided a helpful food pyramid for your reference:

The Mess

Top of The Heap – washingtonpost.com: When you walked in, all you could think was dog pee. (Where? In the rugs?) Clutter was stacked high as the ceiling in every small room, including the plastic-shelf clutter one accumulates in hopes of organizing clutter.

This isn’t clutter. It’s garbage. And people who let their house get as filled with garbage as these people did aren’t messy — they’re mentally ill.

I suppose it’s a nice thing that they were able to find people willing to help them clean the garbage out of their house, but I have to wonder how well these people are going to be able to maintain it without some really serious professional psychological help.

The condition of their house approaches an area that “Clean House” usually tries to avoid — a level of filth that suggests psychological disorder.

Uh… it doesn’t just approach that level. It’s all the way there. This kind of hoarding isn’t in any way normal.

You’ll have to read the entire Washington Post article to get the full picture of just how far gone these people are. It’s more than just the mess, the couple is also into a “magical thinking” sort of deal a’la The Secret. It’s very sad and, unfortunately, their having been selected for the reality TV “Clean House” thing is probably just going to reinforce their belief in such nonsense.

The kinder thing would have been to spend less on remodeling their house and put some of that money towards counseling.

How long do you think it will be before they’ve re-trashed their house? I’d give them a year. Probably less.

George Carlin in 1968

Here’s George Carlin 40 years ago as he appeared on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. If you want to watch his act, click on the link below. Carlin comes on at about the 10:40 time marker.

Classic Television Showbiz: The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour with guests George Carlin, The Committee and The Doors (1968)

George Carlin

Edgy comic George Carlin dies in L.A., aged 71 | U.S. | Reuters

Known for his edgy, provocative material developed over 50 years, the bald, bearded Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine called “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television.”

Ah, jeez… I’m sorry to see this. George Carlin was much more than just an “anti-Establishment icon”. He was a genuinely funny and very smart guy who had a lot of interesting and important things to say about contemporary culture.

My earliest memories of George Carlin are of him as the “hippy dippy weatherman” on the Smothers Brothers show.

It had only recently been announced that Carlin was going to be awarded the Mark Twain prize. At least he got that well-deserved recognition before he left.